From The Lonely Diner: Al Capone in Euphemia Township by Beverley Cooper, published by Scirocco Drama. Snorky (AKA Alphonse Capone) has arrived at a small roadside diner in Southern Ontario. He is speaking to Lucy, who runs the diner.
Did your sister send you the clippings that said I was cleared of those charges? That the coppers were full of hot air? Trying to make a monkey out of me. I liked McSwiggin. I had a meeting with him only a week before and I coulda killed him then with nobody knowing if I wanted but I didn’t - so then why would I shoot him down in front of the world? They try to make me out as a millionaire gorilla, pin every murder that happens in Chicago on me. I don’t pose as a plaster saint but I never killed anyone. I’ve never been convicted of a crime ever. They put fifty coppers on my trail and they can’t convict me of nothing because I haven’t done nothing.
You know, I’ve got a mother, a wife and son, a boy who I love, and they have to read that crap in the papers about me being a criminal and it hurts them. It’s too much for them. So I am just saying, Mrs. Milton, don’t be believing everything you read in those papers. They never tell about the good things I do. The people I give money to because they don’t have a dime to spend or the fellas I protect from other violence. I’m human. I’ll go as deep in my pocket as any man to help a guy that needs help. I can’t stand to see anyone hungry or cold or helpless. Lotsa poor families in Chicago think I’m Santa Claus. If I’ve given a cent to the poor, I’ll bet I’ve given a million dollars. I gave a whole group of Boy Scouts tickets to the football game once. I give milk to school kids so they don’t get rickets. You ever hear about that stuff?
Now get me right. I’m not posing as a model for youth. I’ve had to do a lot of things I don’t like to do. But I am not as black as I’m painted. Maybe I have defended myself. I mean what would you do if I pointed a gun at your daughter there? Threatened to blast a bullet through her brain… wouldn’t you try to stop me? Take one of those big frying pans and take me out any way possible? You’d do anything, that’s what I am saying! My whole life’s purpose is self-defence. I mean maybe it means popping off a guy if he sees you first or in defence of my business – the way I make money to take care of my wife and child. I gotta protect my interests.
I’m telling you there are worse fellows in the world than me…The only true thing they say is that I am in the alky business. I provide a service to people. Give them what they want. Like a public benefactor. I give people pleasure, show them a good time. I have my places, people come and hear music and enjoy themselves. And all I get is abuse. You know those hacks who write those things about me in the paper – they go off to a party or their fancy clubs and get their drinks served on a silver platter – and they call it hospitality. But where do you suppose they get their hooch from? From guys like me. All these people they want their cake and eat it too. They want their booze but they don’t want to know where it came from. People wanna enjoy a drink; whiskey with friends, wine with dinner, beer on a hot day. And they don’t like crooked government types telling them what they can and cannot do, the more they say they can’t have it the more they want it. Listen, I’m not the only guy supplying rye sap to the masses, quenching the great thirst of America. I bet most of the people you know are included in that.